Basic Birdman Wisdom
Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, you are in a helicopter
and therefore inherently unsafe.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in flight bags for the purpose of
storing dead batteries.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot
cool. When it stops, the pilot starts to sweat.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
A 'good' landing is one you can walk away from. A 'great' landing is where they
can reuse the plane.
A smooth landing is mostly luck. Two in a row is pure luck. Three in a row is
provocation.
When a flight is going extremely well, something was clearly forgotten.
When one engine fails on a twin engine airplane you always have enough power
left to get you to the crash site.
The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.
Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes
earlier.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be
another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report
that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
Remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny
day.
Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
Never run out of altitude, airspeed and ideas all at the same time.
It is not a good idea to eject over an area you have just bombed.
Three things an aviator can't use: 1) Altitude above you. 2) Runway behind you.
3) Fuel you used to have.
Equipment problems that go away by themselves will come back by themselves.
If no liquids (such as fuel, oil, grease or hydraulic fluid) are leaking out of
an aircraft, then it is out.
Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are required to successfully complete a
flight.
Northrop's Law of Aeronautical Engineering - When the weight of the paperwork
equals the weight of the airplane, the airplane will fly.
If you have to fly the "Hanger Queen" during the squadron fly-off,
keep one hand on ejection seat handle during cat shot.
Flare to land, squat to pee. (Navy carrier pilot).
Black Shoe Axiom: There are more airplanes in the ocean than there are
submarines in the sky.
When all else fails in the cockpit, do an In Flight Mechanical Adjustment (aka
IFMA). Specifically, use your flight boot of choice and kick the living
daylights out of the offending electronic/mechanical device until it works.
Three great things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm and a good bowel
movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life
where you get to experience all three at the same time.
When a crash seems inevitable endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object
in the vicinity, and as slowly and gently as possible. (Attributed to WW1 era
RAF)
If the airplane is still in one piece don't cheat on it, ride the bitch down.
As a test pilot climbs out of an experimental aircraft, having torn off the
wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees
a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?" The pilot replies, "I
don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell
(Lockheed test pilot)
It takes a college degree to break 'em and a high school diploma to fix 'em.
The plane is the dog and the pilot is the owner. The planes job is to bite the
owner if he touches anything.
Electric fusing only works if the aircrew turns it on.
An explosion is defined as a loud noise accompanied by the rapid disassembly of
the weapon.
It's always better to be down here, wishing you were up there, than to be up
there, wishing you were down here.
The flight of a helicopter is nothing more than a continuously controlled crash
landing.
